You might have noticed that I’m trying to write weekly again, at least for a while. I like taking a moment to look back upon things at the close of the year, a moment to pause and ask myself what I want going forward. I embrace the symbolism of January, two-faced Janus, gazing both into the future and the past. It allows me to pivot, redirect my attention, review my priorities. This year I decided to try develop a writing practice that would fit around my baby – who is currently half-nursing half-napping in my lap, while I type these words single-thumbedly on the WordPress app of my phone in the dim orange glow of a bedside lamp. It was a long and restless night, the morning has arrived dripping wet and grey. Perfect writing weather.
This wasn’t the post I had originally planned for this weekend, but it’s what I feel compelled to write about in this little window of nap-trapped time that has opened up today. It’s easy for me to get sidetracked (and often overwhelmed) by goals, and very easy for me to talk myself out of sharing something out of fear that no one will be interested, but I decided to trust that if I just commit to writing weekly, I’ll find what I need in the process. So I’m trying not to overthink it.
#ywacenter
I’ve been following along with the Yoga with Adriene 30 Day Series for the last three years now, but I really had no idea whether I would manage this year. I went to a (wonderful and gentle mama and baby) yoga class ten weeks postpartum and couldn’t believe how stiff and sore I felt for the next few days. As if I’d done a spin class or run a marathon with no training (iykyk). Over the next few classes the recovery time improved significantly, but I realised how weakened I had been by my surgery. I simply couldn’t follow certain commands to recruit abdominal muscles: my brain would hear and try, but my body couldn’t respond. I couldn’t even feel a flicker of movement when I tried. I wasn’t expecting that, so I was so glad to experience it in a setting where I had an instructor to reassure me that it was normal and should improve.
Another question mark was whether I would be able to do it with my baby in tow. As I began to practise again at home I was so happy to discover that he enjoyed this form of play, but I also quickly realised that he could only tolerate fairly short windows of time (as with any activity at his age). Fortunately he’s always loved “tummy time”, and currently seems to enjoy being included in everything I do (- there are pros and cons to this, but in this context it’s been such an advantage!). I think I’ve also been real lucky that he’s at an age where he adores rolling and exploring his playmat, but can’t yet actually crawl. That would have been a whole different challenge.
The thirty days aren’t quite over yet, but I have relished every minute. I actually think it’s my favourite series yet – I’ve loved everything about it: the way each day builds on what came before, the thoughtfulness behind each cue to make a slight adjustment to your position, the aesthetic of the videos, the balance between movement, breathing and introspection. It is so noticeable to me how much stronger my body is than when I started. I actually feel I have better core strength than ever, certainly better awareness.
And – the best thing – is how much of a joy it’s been to spend time this way with my son. He loves it. He’s such a happy roly poly little baby, he giggles whenever I get down to his level on the mat and squeals with excitement whenever I swoop down from a standing pose. I think it’s been a good thing for him developmentally – he’s quite happy entertaining himself along side me in this way for a good 45min now (and most practices have only been around 22min). It seems to have really helped his strength and balance too. But – most importantly – it’s just been such a good way for me to spend a chunk of time really playing with him and feeling a hundred percent present. I’m already getting such overwhelming feelings of grief from time to time, when I think about this season of our life coming to an end when I go back to work. My mind can get caught up in anxiety about the future and miss out on the joys of the day to day. This little window of time when we do yoga together has really helped bring me back to the current moment. I’ve been able to pay attention to all the little breakthroughs he’s had with his motor skills, to all the shades of personality that are emerging – impatience, frustration, determination, persistence, confidence. And I just feel so connected and in love with him. We finished every shavasana with cuddles.
I don’t know if any of my readers have small babies at home, but if anyone has ever wondered about trying out home yoga or one of the thirty day challenges, take this as your sign to do so! If anyone has wondered if it’s possible to do home yoga with a baby, hopefully this is encouraging. Ours is home yoga at its best: a mat crammed between a desk, bookcase, and drying laundry, with baby paraphernalia spilling everywhere. And it’s so good.
Mad to Live 
Love this so much
I’m really glad :)