The End of the Road

I didn’t know, not then, when I threw my bag into the boot, when I entered your address into my phone, turned the key in the ignition, felt my tiny Micra shudder and shiver, into life, into first gear, that you would be dead before I arrived, I didn’t know, I didn’t know, I didn’t know and oh if I had, I would have driven straight from work, straight from that night-shift never-ending, as once we used to drive across the continent, as once we drove straight through the night, onward onward into dawn onto the ferry across the channel into the land where we were born – until we reached your house: the only thing that ever was, forever was is ever more, but never now, never again, I didn’t know, I didn’t know, I didn’t know Nanny my love, I didn’t know you would be gone, not then, not on that day, as my heart beat hot beat fast beat through my chest, as I turned my tiny Micra onto the M5, her thin metal ribcage my only protection as we urged each other on through sheets of rain, as we urged each other on toward the grey ribbon of light between sky and road, my face as wet as hers as yours, but I didn’t know, not then, when the road was all there was, fifty six miles of angry M5, fifty six miles of cold hard drive, between me twenty seven and you eighty three, and your breathing ever shallower, your face creased up with pain, I didn’t know, I didn’t know, I didn’t know Nanny my love, as my tiny Micra and I fought hard to keep our place there on the road, to keep on straight against the wind, great gusts of wind that pushed us sideways, toward the median, out of our lane, amid the trucks dark shadows on grey, I didn’t know, I didn’t know, I didn’t know Nanny my love, my love my love oh God my love, you were always there at the end of the road, the end of the road the end of the night, the start of the summer the start of our life, as I took the exit into the land of my childhood, dreary rows of brick and grey, the town we escaped when we ran away, my tiny Micra back where we belong, longing for you oh Nanny my love, I didn’t know, I didn’t know, I didn’t know until we pulled up, my sister there at the open door, her face her eyes blue wet and grey, her face her face the pain the loss, and then I saw and then I knew: that this was it: the end of the road – I love you so much oh Nanny my love, oh Nanny my love, oh Nanny my love.