Hey, my friends – it seems like only yesterday that I published my most recent update, but I’m back already! You may have noticed several other posts since then: a little reflection on what travel means to me, a lovingly clunky video of a cosy weekend morning, and an brief insight into the backstory of how I came to apply for graduate medicine. You might also have noticed a few changes around here: a (slightly) tidier home page, a more organised sidebar, even my own domain(!)
The reason for all of this is simply that I would like to put more time into my writing again. I’ve always loved posting here. Partly because I get so much joy from crafting words, partly because it’s been such a wonderful way for me to capture and share tiny parts of these different seasons of life. But also, unexpectedly, because it opened up so many wonderful exchanges with so many of you.
This wasn’t something I had anticipated, but for every post I’ve made there has been at least one really touching comment, someone who reached out because they experienced something similar, or because they had a recommendation for me. I’ve felt so tired recently of all the generic echo-chamber limitations that the internet seems intent on placing upon us, especially when I know that there is so much more out there. I get very little joy from newspapers or social media feeds. Remember those deep honest late-into-the-night conversations that we used to have as undergraduates? This is different, but alike. Intimate, personal discussions. Invitations to explore and share things that I would never have happened upon alone, could not navigate alone.
I cannot pretend I am without fear. But my predominant feeling is one of gratitude. I have loved and been loved; I have been given much and I have given something in return; I have read and traveled and thought and written. I have had an intercourse with the world, the special intercourse of writers and readers. Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal, on this beautiful planet, and that in itself has been an enormous privilege and an adventure.
“My Own Life”, The New York Times, 2015
The special intercourse of writers and readers. This is from an essay Oliver Sacks published shortly before his death. He actually borrows the concept from Nathaniel Hawthorne, but this was where I first encountered it. I don’t know how better to express it myself, but this is what I mean.
So here I am! I will be publishing a post every Sunday and I would love for you to continue to reach out to me when you feel so inclined. With memories, advice, questions, suggestions, love – send it all my way, and I’ll send something back.
And on that note: please click here to subscribe to my newsletter!
This will be a simple monthly email rounding up new posts from the previous four weeks. Nothing else, no spam. The reason for sending it is to remind you that I’m here, to allow me to build a steady readership. It will provide clear links to each post and a brief tease of what they’re about, so that you can go straight to what interests you the most. You might not have the time or interest to read everything, but this will provide quick and easy access if there’s something that you missed.
With that out of the way, let me actually give you a little bit of an update! I’m just about to start a week of night-shifts, which can be challenging, but I’m as well-rested as I possibly could be after two weeks of annual leave. New Zealand has been under a super tight (and highly effective!) national lockdown for the past six weeks, only allowing you to leave your home for essential work and trips. Things were relaxed a little on Monday, but non-essential travel and any substantial leisure activities outside are still forbidden.
I hadn’t planned on spending two weeks literally just at home, but I also hadn’t realised quite how much my mind and body needed the break. In the six month run-up to my exams I spent hours studying early in the mornings, late into the evenings and all day at the weekend. The day after my exams I moved house and right after that I worked twelve days straight with a new team, new patient list and (due to roster gaps) no regular bosses. I only had a couple of weekends free of work before all of the Corona mayhem hit. You’re aware of everything building up, taking its toll, but it’s not until you actually get off the treadmill that you begin to understand how exhausted you are. I’ve barely had any energy to move this whole time I’ve been home.
By far my proudest achievement therefore has been finally unpacking all of my belongings. When I first came out here I brought one suitcase with me and put everything else that I owned into storage, thinking I’d only be gone a couple of years. This summer, on one of the wettest stormiest days of the year, my brother and I drove over and sorted through it all, donating about half to charity. I went back a few weeks later with my sister and parents to pack up the remainder. In the end, I shipped nine boxes, my violin, ice-skates and favourite armchair out here. They were loaded up on a pallet, swathed in layers of bubblewrap, and put into a container aboard the LAURA MAERSK V.945S. After months at sea, it finally arrived and was cleared by customs just before my exams in February. It had been sitting in a garage ever since.
I cannot begin to tell you how good it feels to have finally dealt with this. Just having some of my books around me, my favourite mugs and bowls, (what feels like) a whole new wardrobe – I’m so much more settled and at home. I also took the time to put up some of my postcards and photos, as I have done almost everywhere I’ve lived since I was a child. Places I’ve travelled to, art I love, notes from friends, they connect me to everyone who has played an important role at some stage throughout these different chapters of my life and remind me of all the things I still hope to achieve.
Aside from all of that, I’ve been pretty low-key. I spent a lot of time sitting out on the deck reading and listening to the birds (- although today it is storming so hard that this feels like a distant memory!). I finally started to put together a list of films to check out. So far we’ve watched Remains of the Day, Walk the Line, and Parasite. I’ve listened to a ton of podcasts: I’m currently loving The Film Programme, Emergence Magazine, and I still love Backlisted so much that I decided to start all over again from the beginning (this is a big deal, there are literally HOURS), but this time making notes of the things they talk about that I want to look up for myself. Seriously though, if you’re not familiar with it, it’s definitely one to try. It’s especially perfect for long drives or when you’re cosy at home cooking dinner. They did a spin-off called Locklisted recently and if you’re completely new to them (or somehow missed it) go check out this episode; it doesn’t have guests, unlike their usual format, but it really gives you a good feel for the hosts and also covers some really touching topics. And let me know also if you’ve listened to anything good recently! I tried Cheryl Strayed’s new podcast Sugar Calling and I think I will enjoy it at some point, but I’m not quite in the right mindset for it yet.
I finished up my thirty days of yoga and kept going. I haven’t practised this regularly since I first joined a studio in Cheltenham and I am so glad that I’ve been able to make it part of my every day once again. I’ve also recently become aware that some of my former teachers have started teaching classes online because of the lockdown. I never thought I would get the chance to practise with these people again, so I’m excited to join.
I’ve spent a lot of time writing and put a fair amount of time into this blog – certainly more than you would guess by simply looking at it! I was hoping to put together a list of books to order online, but haven’t gotten very far with it. This is mainly because I never order books online, I usually just visit secondhand shops with a few authors or genres in mind and pick up whatever I fancy.
That’s obviously not possible at present. But I contacted one of my favourite secondhand bookshops in Auckland, The Open Book, and now that we’ve moved to Level 3 Lockdown they’re able to take orders for postal delivery or pick-up. The lady who got back to me was like, “we’d be more than happy to walk around the different sections of our shop with the phone and work out an order, or you could email us a list”! I really want to support these guys, I love their place so much, would hate for it to close. So if you have any recommendations of books or authors please let me know! (If you’ve gotten this far into this post you must be a keen reader…!). I’ve read a lot of non-fiction over the past few years (especially travel-writing and Australasian memoir), but I’ve been craving good fiction to immerse myself in ever since I was done with my exams. Particularly anything a little more old-school – I really enjoyed books by Margaret Drabble, Muriel Spark and Iris Murdoch recently.
And with that plea, I think it’s time that I wrapped this up! I’ve been sadly deprived of my favourite passtime of spotting amusing number plates ever since the lockdown forced most people to stay home, but I was rather amused the other day to discover that my iPhone had decided to put together an album entitled “Cars” for me, gathering together my current collection. It grouped all my other photos under “Food”, “Lakes”, “Mountains”, “Flowers” and “Beaches”. Which I think sums me up in a nutshell.
So no number plates in my everyday joys this month, but instead: notepads fulls of scribbles and ideas, new yoga poses that feel so delicious, a fridge full of leftovers, homemade chai lattes, silly fridge poetry, piercingly clear late afternoon light (just around 3pm), birdsong louder than ever, snuggling in my rocking chair with a blanket, mornings and evenings with K.
I miss you all more than ever, I’m super grateful to you for stopping by and I really hope that you enjoy some of the writing that I aim to put out over the next few months. I also really hope that you’re holding up okay, wherever you are. Thinking of you all and sending you all my love,
Zx
Mad to Live 